There’s no such thing as a perfect (earthly) parent, and it’s hard to define a good parent. But what children need most is stable parenting that they can expect to keep them safe, fed, clothed, clean, and living in a place they can call home.
From the time they’re protected and provided for in the womb, children yearn to bond with a reliable caregiver for survival and comfort. If a baby’s primary caregiver remains involved as a loving, stable parenting figure and provider, they’re more likely to flourish throughout the stages of child and adolescent development.
At the Alabama Free Will Baptist Children’s Home, we strive to provide a safe haven and loving family environment for kids ages 6–18 as a refuge from unstable families and home lives.
Read on to learn more about family instability and its impact on child and adolescent development.
Family Instability vs. Abuse
Family instability does not connote abuse, neglect, or a lack of love. Instability is often a symptom of disadvantaged income, family estrangement, or inability to keep up with parental responsibilities.
Unstable family environments can also result from children in the joint custody of civil parent divorces, those who serve in the military, or those working multiple shifts daily to keep food on the table. Parents battling physical or mental illness can also provide inconsistent care or involvement, but that does not mean they abuse their children.
It’s important to recognize and understand the signs of child abuse. But before you judge parenting environments as unstable and call child services, remember to have compassion. Oftentimes, unstable families are doing their best to improve their parenting, family environments, and relationships with their children.
Instability’s Impact on Child and Adolescent Development
Each child’s “attachment style” is one of four types that develops based on how their primary caregivers respond to seeing them distressed during the first 18 months of their life.
A baby will notice when their caregiver’s responses to their cries are inconsistent or unreliable. Although they can’t speak, babies will loudly exaggerate crying to try and demand much-needed attention.
As a result of parents not responding to these cries during this crucial period of attachment anxiety, avoidant and resistant types of insecure attachment styles can persist in relationships. These attachment styles can occur throughout child and adolescent development and often into adulthood, even with therapy.
Although our staff ministers daily as loving, dependable house parents, they cannot change a child’s attachment style—but can work with our residents to cope, heal, and adapt to it.
Inability to Cope with Stress and Rejection
Family instability during child and adolescent development can leave children feeling like they have no control over their lives and tend to crave a sense of control over the attention they receive. Although children from unstable families can be rehabilitated to recover from the negative effects fully, they also have a higher risk of developing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Children who grow up in unstable home environments tend to have high levels of cortisol—the “stress hormone”—in their endocrine system and bloodstream. Excess cortisol can change the brain’s structure and function, especially during child and adolescent development.
This architectural shift in the brain leads to suppression or overproduction of neurotransmitters needed for overall health and inhibition of the response and centers of the brain, meaning children from unstable family environments can struggle with poor impulse control and decision-making, often leading to reckless and irresponsible behavior.
The continual excess of cortisol doesn’t mean these children are used to stress, but they’re unable to cope with overwhelming stress enough to catch a break and heal.
Without the proper tools to recover from stress and instability or their effects on child and adolescent development, a person will often become highly dysphoric when experiencing (or perceiving) rejection. In many cases, it can feel like they’re experiencing rejection and lack of attention all over again. Like rejection sensitivity, a lack of boundaries is also common.
Encouraging Healthy Child and Adolescent Development
Although insecure attachment and other harmful effects of family instability are usually hard to shake, we believe in healing and recovery. Our staff encourages our residents to learn coping mechanisms, practice healthy social and relationship habits, and create a stable new life for themselves to one day become independent, well-adjusted, and happy young adults.
If you know someone from an unstable upbringing or you’re trying to help a child from situations like these, remember to encourage them to find a healthy outlet to express their feelings, discuss their dreams for the future, and understand that they are not alone.
Donate today if you’d like to support our residents healing from family instability, and visit our ‘About’ page to learn more.