The unfortunate truth is that adoption is not always successful. Everyone wants a happily ever after. However, happily ever after is not an option for many families.
Find Support
Contact the Alabama Free Will Baptist Children’s Home to discuss your options if you are currently dealing with challenges with an adoption. Some children need a fresh start. The pressures of bonding with an adoptive family can be alleviated with a change in scenery.
In our program, children can choose to bond with their houseparents on their own terms instead of feeling the pressure to fit into a premade family. After placement at the Home, we often see an improvement in behavior and the relationship between the child and the adopted family.
Adoption Transitional Placement Plan
Even when you have done everything you can, disrupted adoption or permanency issues can still occur. For permanency-related problems post-adoption, transitional placement is often a better option than allowing the child to return to foster care or institutionalization.
No one wants to see adoptions fail. However, if a child or teen’s adoption has become a challenge or you are unable to care for them for whatever reason, our Home is here for them and the rest of your family. We take in children and teens at no cost to the referring family.
Our Home also provides low-cost Christian counseling services to in-state adoptive families in need.
What Is a Failed Adoption?
A failed adoption can take place in these ways:
- Through adoption disruption, or the breakdown of the adoption process before legal finalization.
- When the permanency—maintaining legal guardianship and placement of a child until adulthood—is unsuccessful post-adoption.
When people talk about the success of an adoption, they are often referring to permanency.
Causes of Adoption Disruption
Understanding Adoption Disruption
Adoption disruption happens when the adoption process is interrupted before it can be legally finalized. This can happen for many reasons. A few causes for adoption disruptions include:
- When parents change their minds about adoption due to unforeseen life challenges or broken expectations for adoption. Setting realistic expectations upfront helps many adoptions to succeed.
- Unexpected or non-disclosed needs of the adoptive child that parents cannot (or are unprepared to) accommodate. For example, some children may have unaddressed, severe behavioral issues, leaving an adoptive parent or parents ill-equipped.
- Legal complications, such as conflicts of interest, adoption law amendments, or inaccurate or incomplete paperwork.
- Objections from birth family or former foster family
- A judge receives evidence or witness testimony of the prospective adoptive parents’ abusive or neglectful parenting or involvement in illegal activity.
While inadequate parenting and care are both reasons for a disrupted adoption, it is crucial to recognize the importance of resources for prospective adoptive parents. Adoption disruption and failures can occur without it being anyone’s fault.
Failed adoption can also be the result of an adoptive organization’s negligence, including shaky compatibility screening or inability to provide post-adoption support and family counseling resources.
Child-Specific Factors
Apart from general causes of failed adoptions, more specific challenges can also contribute to them. For instance, there are sometimes child-specific factors.
This distinction does not mean that these factors are a child’s fault. In reality, child-specific factors are beyond the control of a child and often stem from challenges in the foster care system and/or crises related to birth parents and custody.
Age and Developmental Stage
A child’s age and developmental stage at the time of adoption can have a significant impact on the risk of adoption disruption, especially for older children and teens.
Many children ages 0-18 (in Alabama, the legal age of adulthood is 19) await adoption in the foster care system. Still, many prospective adoptive families prefer infant adoption, which can significantly narrow adoption opportunities.
Studies show that even in finalized American adoptions of older children, there is a higher risk of disruption for these three main reasons:
- Difficulty adjusting to the dynamic of authority with new parents.
- Inability to trust the adoptive family after being mistreated in previous homes.
- A commitment or established identity with birth parents or relatives.
Behavioral and Emotional Challenges
Another child-specific cause for adoption disruption is behavioral and emotional challenges. These challenges also correlate with age and development factors like puberty; however, with specific correlation to pre-adoption experiences like sexual abuse trauma and under-treated behavioral health issues (e.g., conduct disorder, severe ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, etc.) that strain the adoptive family relationship.
Cultural and Identity Issues
Cultural, racial, and identity differences—particularly in transracial adoptions—can significantly impact a child’s integration with their adoptive family. Even with highly inclusive and encouraging adoptive parents, a child may feel uncomfortable or alienated if they are not of the same race, especially if others frequently point out the dissimilarity.
Adoptive Family-Specific Factors
If you have or are in the process of adopting a child, you know that prospective adoptive parents must meet a list of requirements, undergo a thorough background check, submit an application and receive approval, go to trauma-informed parenting training, complete at least three months of placement, and much more.
Even with such an extensive adoption preparation process, adoptive parents can be ill-equipped to deal with the realities of a planned adoption.
Adoptive Parents’ Expectations vs. Reality
Some families enter into adoption with unrealistic expectations about the adoption process as well as expectations for an adoptive child or teen’s behavior. Although adoption is a blessing, it takes commitment to training, resilience to bumps in the road, and incredible patience.
We highly recommend detailed parenting training and recurrent family counseling. This concern is also where a qualified adoption professional, like a social worker or family counselor, can be beneficial during the transition and beyond.
The Home provides low-cost Christian counseling services to Alabama individuals and families.
When parents have unrealistic expectations for the adoptive process and child, even the best-laid adoption plans can derail. Disillusionment and stress can often result because of it.
Family Dynamics
The existing family structure, including relationships with biological children and extended family, can also affect the adoption’s success. Bullying and abuse can occur. Jealousy among siblings is a common issue, along with misguided trust among a family member or close friend. An adopted child can feel like an outcast in their own home if guardians do not implement values of proper love, trust, guidance, and inclusion from the onset.
Support Systems
Adoptive families must have a healthy support system, including friends, family, and community resources, to navigate adoption challenges. This support must continue beyond the finalization of an adoption.
External Influences
Sometimes, adoptions fail for causes beyond anyone’s control. Some of the reasons for failed adoption are systemic, while others are socioeconomic.
Systemic and Institutional Factors
Within adoption agencies and child welfare systems, there are often systemic issues that are a challenge for even the best-prepared adoptive parents. These include insufficient pre-adoption training and post-adoption support.
Socioeconomic Factors
Sometimes, adoptive parents cannot sustain an adoption as they expected due to socioeconomic challenges, such as financial instability or lack of access to specialized services like counseling and educational support.
Signs and Prevention of Failed Adoptions
Recognizing the Warning Signs
Behavioral Changes in the Child
Common behavioral changes in children and teens that indicate stress or discomfort in the new family setting include:
- Increased aggression
- Emotional withdrawal
- Regression or lack of progress in developmental milestones
- Challenges in forming healthy attachments
Emotional and Psychological Strain in Parents
There are also signs to watch out for in adoptive parents, which indicate strain and difficulty in adjusting to the adoption, including feelings of frustration, isolation, regret, or being overwhelmed. These signs are often apparent in the parents’ marriage, performance at work, or day-to-day responsibilities.
Family Dynamics and Relationships
Shifts in family dynamics can clearly show that the adoption isn’t working out for everyone at home. The main warning signs of a challenge in adoptive care include trouble in the adoptive parents’ marriage and increased conflict between family members.
Early Intervention Strategies
Open Communication
Whether you’re in the middle of the adoption process or the last stages before finalization, you must continually prioritize open communication. Maintaining open and honest communication within the family and in collaboration with professionals is critical, as well as allowing yourself to express feelings, concerns, and challenges related to the adoption.
If you’re struggling to facilitate this communication, let us know how we can help.
Seeking Professional Help
One of the smartest moves to prevent adoption failure is to seek help from therapists, counselors, or specialists in adoption-related issues.
Utilizing Support Networks
Adopting parents must utilize support networks and related resources, especially support groups (online or in-person), that offer families a safe space to share experiences and strategies for overcoming common challenges.
Preventive Measures
Thorough Pre-Adoption Education
One of the most essential steps to a successful adoption journey is the active participation of the adoptive parents in education. Parents who prepare themselves for the challenges and realities of adoption will better understand the needs of adopted children, especially children or teens from traumatic backgrounds.
Post-Adoption Support Services
Many adoptive parents are aware of post-adoption support services, but they don’t always know exactly what those are. These accessible services—often free or low cost—can assist through the adjustment period and beyond, including ongoing counseling, educational workshops, and family therapy.
Building Resilience and Coping Strategies
One of the most beneficial strategies for preventing failed adoption is through coping strategies, which are good for mental health and beyond.
Learn how to foster healthy coping strategies with your family through online or in-person therapy or other resources. Some of the most valuable coping strategies include stress management techniques, the development of problem-solving skills, and strategies for building strong, healthy attachments.
How Adoptive Families Can Create a Supportive Environment
Fostering a Safe and Nurturing Home: One of the most important aspects of facilitating a supportive, emotionally, and physically safe environment for your adopted or foster children is focusing on stability, routine, and predictability.
Cultural and Identity Considerations: We recommend taking special care to respect and preserve a child or teen’s cultural identity for transracial or international adoptions. Cultural identity issues can significantly impact the child’s sense of belonging and self-esteem. It is best to address them preemptively rather than retroactively.
Further Support
For families seeking support throughout their adoption or those struggling with permanency and needing a transitional placement plan, please contact us at the Alabama Free Will Baptist Children’s Home.
We welcome children and teens having trouble adapting to their post-adoption home lives and work to give each resident a safe, loving home environment. Our Home allows families the opportunity to continue to work on their relationship without the pressure that comes with living together. We have been able to successfully maintain numerous children in our program who have struggled in their adoptive homes. If you feel you would benefit from our services or want more information about how we can help your family, please contact us to discuss your options.
