For some families, post-adoption problems can occur, such as failed adoptions, disrupted adoptions, or other permanency issues. In these cases, an out-of-home care arrangement, such as a transitional placement, is often better than the child returning to foster care or institutionalization.
Sometimes, in transitional out-of-home care settings like our Children’s Home, children have an opportunity for their adoptive families to remain a part of their lives. In this blog, we’ll talk more about out-of-home care placements and their impact on children and their families dealing with post-adoption challenges.
What Is Out-of-Home Care?
In post-adoption situations, an out-of-home care placement occurs when the child leaves the care of their adoptive parents to live in a different environment, such as residential care (like our Children’s Home), foster care, kinship care, or a group home.
These placements often occur when the adoptive child presents unaddressed, severe behavioral issues that the parents aren’t capable of managing. However, there are other reasons why an adoption doesn’t work out as expected, and you can read about them in detail on our dedicated page on failed and disrupted adoptions.
Is Continued Contact With Adoptive Parents a Good Idea After a Child Enters Out-of-Home Care?
We believe the answer is yes. In fact, we believe that continued contact from adoptive parents is critical after a child enters out-of-home care for the child to understand that their adoptive family is still “their family.” At our Children’s Home, we have seen that continued, regular contact with our residents and their adopted families helps to establish their stability and makes them feel like they still belong.
What Are the Biggest Misconceptions Adoptive Families Have About Their Role After Placement?
Families with children placed in our home often have the mistaken belief that it should be the responsibility of their child to reach out to them. The truth is, the parents are still the parents and the adults in the dynamic, and it is their responsibility to maintain a relationship with their child. The adoptive parents taking the lead and initiating contact remind their child that they are loved and still a part of the family.
How Do Hurt, Rejection, or Burnout Show Up in These Families (Especially the Parents)?
Unfortunately, most of the adoptive families who allow their child to be placed in out-of-home care have been traumatized by the adoption process. Not only is the process itself arduous, stressful, and expensive, but they are also not always prepared or educated on the behavioral and emotional issues their adopted children can exhibit.
There are few resources for adoptive families, and they feel hopeless with a child who is out of their control. After placement, families feel relieved to focus on the rest of their family. Sometimes, there may even be resentment toward the adoptive child who has had issues, especially when they don’t exhibit the behaviors in other environments. This can sometimes lead parents to avoid contact, which, over time, can be very hurtful to the child.
How Does Losing Contact With Adoptive Parents Affect Children Emotionally and Behaviorally?
In almost every case, these children were not purposely displaying these behaviors in their adoptive homes. It was a trauma response that was subconscious. The children do not understand the hurt and rejection that the families feel. After some time and distance, almost all of our residents desire to have a relationship with their adoptive families. When the adoptive families are not receptive to this, the children feel hurt, rejected, and like they don’t belong anywhere.
Why Is It Harmful When Families Begin to See the Children’s Home as the Child’s New Permanent Home?
It is not necessarily harmful for the families to see this as the child’s permanent home if the parents have regular contact with the child. However, sometimes reunification is not possible. When this is the case, the parents should have an honest, age-appropriate conversation with their child about it, rather than treating it as the out-of-home care staff’s responsibility.
What Are Simple, Realistic Ways Adoptive Families Can Stay in Contact?
At our home, we often allow residents to contact their adoptive families when both sides are willing through supervised phone calls (which sometimes can include FaceTime), weekend visits, letters, and even sending and receiving presents on holidays.
How Can Families Balance Their Own Healing While Still Showing Up for Their Child?
Families in these situations can find the right balance between healing and remaining active in their childrens’ lives by working through their hurt and frustration in family therapy sessions with an experienced counselor who specializes in this area. For in-state families, we offer a counselor on campus for this, and we also recommend that parents seek individual counseling for other aspects of their mental, behavioral, and emotional health.
Thank you for taking the time to learn more about this important aspect of post-adoption placement.
For more intensive guidance on approaching out-of-home options for your child due to post-adoption challenges, contact our staff at the Alabama Free Will Baptist Children’s Home.
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