Challenging behavior in adoptive children can be common and may include difficulties with transitions, attachment, and self-esteem. Many adopted children face unique challenges that manifest in behavior at home, school, or other settings. To help your adopted child through this chapter of their life, it’s essential to approach with patience and compassion.
At the Alabama Free Will Baptist Children’s Home, we have worked with children coming from various situations, including homes impacted by divorce, neglect, family crisis, and abuse. We understand the kind of hope and healing these children need to feel safe, valued, and loved as they enter the next chapter of their lives.
Adoption and Challenging Behavior
As an adoptive parent, you might be wondering, “Why does my adopted child exhibit confusing behavior?”
Some adoptive children present adverse behaviors because they’re struggling with the loss of their birth parents or being separated from them. These feelings can happen even if a child was adopted so young that they don’t have a good memory of their birth parents. It can also occur if the child hopes to reunite with their biological family one day.
We’ve only mentioned a few of the many potential causes that can exacerbate an adoptive child’s instinct or desire to act out—here are a few more in greater detail:
- The lost relationship between the adoptive child and their biological family is not acknowledged or is kept secret from others. Adoption typically calls for celebration by friends and family; however, the child may feel guilty or confused about being disconnected from their birth family. Or they might find out later in life, which could challenge their sense of identity, undermine trust, and cause them to mourn a relationship they never got to experience.
- Adoption can seem like a form of rescue. When children are adopted and separated from situations where they were harmed or mistreated, they still may display strong loyalties to their previous family. When considering this perspective, adoptive parents and caregivers can work to understand the child’s viewpoint.
- Foster children move repeatedly before they find their forever home. When children are in foster care, they are moved around from family to family until they get a permanent placement or grow out of the system upon reaching adulthood. Constantly experiencing unfamiliar environments during the crucial stages of development can have a lasting impact on adopted and foster children.
- It can be hard for foster and adoptive children to trust their new family/parents. After enduring traumatic experiences with their previous foster placements, birth families, or other situations in their past, adoptive and foster children often have trouble trusting the adults in their lives or even trusting the stability of their new family unit. Distrust driven by these trauma-rooted trust issues is usually multifaceted and often triggered by change—even small, expected, and uneventful changes that are unrelated to the trauma, like one-time diversions from a daily routine.
Here’s How You Can Meet Their Needs
There are a few solutions that can help. Our best advice is to be patient and consistent for lasting impact and meaningful progress. In addition, we suggest:
- Establish a routine. Routine creates an environment that feels safe and reliable. Stability is essential for all children and teens’ mental, social, and emotional development, especially those who may have experienced ever-changing circumstances.
- Be playful. Playtime is essential for bonding and allows you to observe closely how your child views and interacts with the world around them. It also allows them to express feelings for which they may not have words.
- Give your child the freedom to grieve without guilt. Validate and acknowledge their feelings of loss and give them ways to express this, whether that’s through journaling, drawing, pretend play, or just chatting.
Consider Professional Support
Trauma can have long-lasting effects on the brain and a significant impact on development. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s challenging behavior, it may be time to see a mental health professional. Although you cannot undo the circumstances your child has endured, you have the power to support them on their healing journey.
Our counseling services are for local adoptive or foster families needing low-cost access to professional support. For more information about our counseling services or advice on supporting children with challenging behavior, please reach out to us today.