Adopted children often face a unique set of challenges when it comes to bullying and finding a sense of belonging. Teasing, exclusion, and bullying are some of the most difficult experiences a child can face; these feelings can linger and affect many areas of an adopted child’s life. Often, adopted children are more vulnerable to these experiences and how they shape their view of the world.
When children lack a sense of belonging, they may look for it in places or groups where they feel accepted. This experience can look different for every child; they might find themselves on either side—as the bullied, or even as the bully. Sometimes, becoming the bully is an escape from getting bullied.
At the Free Will Baptist Children’s Home, our goal is to empower every adopted child to find confidence in their God-given identity and purpose. That journey often begins with you, as a part of the child’s family and community. We see adopted children’s unique struggles daily and have developed solutions from our experiences that make a lasting impact.
Adopted Children’s Challenges: Being Bullied or Becoming the Bully
There are a few things to consider about adopted children’s differences that can make them a potential target for bullying. In some cases, that may later contribute to them becoming the bully.
Adopted children often lack confidence, which can negatively impact their social skills and make them easier targets for emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. But that’s not their fault; every child deserves grace and understanding for circumstances beyond their control.
Adoption is not a well-understood topic among many children who don’t have an adopted child in their own family. Often, when adopted children tell classmates that they were adopted, their classmates curiously ask unintentionally insensitive questions like “Why didn’t your real parents want you?” Questions like these often leave adopted children with feelings of confusion about their identity and self-worth.
For some adopted children, becoming a bully might feel like the easiest way out. If acceptance from a group offers a safety net, a child may decide that hurting someone else is a reasonable solution for short-term relief. Adopted children who act this way usually don’t do so out of malice, but as a means of survival.
Understanding these differences is key to approaching a child who may have become the bully just to avoid being bullied. As parents and members of the community around adopted children, we can better approach situations by reinforcing positive ways for children to belong, in turn, reducing the pressure that makes “fitting in” seem so appealing.
Combat Bullying by Leading With Action
Belonging doesn’t have to mean becoming someone else, and most kids will do what they must to protect themselves. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or other authority figure in a child’s life, it’s your responsibility to lead with action and teach them what to do if they find themselves in these situations. Here are a few ways to lead with action:
What Parents Should Do: Lead by example. When you show your adopted child that you accept other people’s differences, they will learn to become this way too. You can’t overprotect your child, so you must work on building their confidence, discouraging discriminatory attitudes, and teaching them problem-solving skills.
What the School Should Do: If your child is being teased or is the teaser at school, it’s essential to contact the school so they know what’s going on. Teachers and administrative staff can educate them on conflict resolution and impose consequences for poor behavior.
What the Child Should Do: What the child should do often begins with you. As their caregiver, you might ask: “How did that make you feel?” and “How did you handle that?” to better understand their emotions and reactions.
Reach Out To Us For Help
At the Free Will Baptist Children’s Home, we have a profound, experience-based understanding of adopted children’s struggles with bullying and belonging. One of the best gifts you can give your adopted child is helping them understand and embrace their background. Check out our blog on Talking About Adoption with Your School-Aged Child on how to have this important, and sometimes difficult, conversation. For more questions on bullying and belonging in adopted children, reach out to us online or call (205) 924-9751 today.