The holidays are a happy time for many but challenging for some. For foster and adoptive children who have a complex or difficult family life, the holidays can be overwhelming and painful.
Foster and adoptive families often find it difficult to navigate these tough situations, especially with the fanfare and feel-good nature the holiday season can represent. Here’s how you can support your foster or adoptive child during the holidays.
Encourage Open Communication
Often, foster or adoptive children display difficulty with the first holiday season in a new home placement with isolative behavior, sadness, and irritability. However, some don’t seem phased at all and embrace the season with open arms.
No two children are alike, so the best approach is to talk to your child or children individually about the types of feelings the holidays bring for them. If they answer honestly, even if it is not what you hope to hear, it’s preferable to respect and validate their feelings and offer support.
By having this kind of conversation, you show your child that you are making an effort to connect with them while respecting their right to feel the way they do. This can help build a bond of trust between you and your child and offer insight into how you can plan a holiday season that respects their boundaries and sets expectations for the family. Additionally, you’ll give your child an example of healthy emotional communication.
Know Your Boundaries
Foster and adoptive children who are older may need more physical and emotional boundaries if the holidays are associated with negative emotions, difficult memories, or trauma.
If you talk with your child about how the holidays make them feel and they are not ready to discuss it, don’t push the subject. If your child voluntarily reveals their feelings, be patient and comforting. If your child tells you they want to be alone for a while, let them have the space they need.
Knowing how to navigate these conversations and situations can be difficult, but showing your child that you respect their boundaries will show them you’re doing your best to support them.
Prepare Them for Events & Traditions
If your foster or adoptive child is living with you during the holidays for the first time, you need to prepare them for traditions, events, and visitors. Family traditions and interruptions to their routine can make a child anxious, so sit them down and chat about your family’s plans for the holiday season.
During this conversation, gauge whether these situations make them anxious or uncomfortable so you can accommodate them.
For example, if your foster or adoptive child has social anxiety give them a warning in advance before you invite the whole family for dinner, and create an “escape plan” with your child for them to politely step out and get some air or go to their room when the crowd is too much.
Send a Shared Card
During the holidays, foster and adoptive children can remember or reminisce about previous foster family placements or their biological families. If you have contact with your child’s former family, let your child make them a card and present it or mail it to them.
Encouraging this activity shows your child that their concerns matter to you. It also teaches your child that you give them the independence and trust to heal and move forward on their terms.
If the circumstances and law permit it, you can also let your foster or adoptive child have a supervised visit with their biological or previous family members. A level of peace or responsible acceptance between a child’s previous and new families can be a healing experience.
Give Gifts Thoughtfully
If you want to give your foster or newly adopted child a thoughtful Christmas gift, don’t get them what you would’ve wanted for Christmas as a child. The best way to know what they want is to ask them about the things they like.
As a fun outing between you and your child, you can take a trip to the mall and let your child lead, keeping an eye out for the items that seem to interest them most.
For other Christmas gift ideas, you can buy things they can use to decorate their space, like a cool lamp, a nice bedding set, or whatever fits their personal style. If they’re old enough and you’re at a loss for what to get them, you can also purchase a reloadable debit gift card, and they can use it like a debit card wherever they want to spend it.
How to Support Our Residents During the Holidays
Thank you again for reading our blog. During the holidays, we work to make this season memorable for our residents, showing the same level of care and respect outlined here. We also strive to give them Christ-like love year-round. The support from our donors and community allows us to provide special moments to our residents during Christmas time and provide for them through every season of their young lives.
If you’d like to support our ministry as part of your plan for year-end giving, please visit this page. You can also stay up to date with everything we have going on through our newsletters and see how your support is making a difference!